JuicyCampus to Shut Down, Will Not Matter

Today is the last day to access JuicyCampus, the controversial college gossip website created by greedy Duke alum Matt Ivester. In related news, today is also the last day of “JuicyCampus: to ban or not to ban?” debate at Brandeis. That’s killing two annoyances with one collapse. It’s a good day for everyone! Except Ivester!

Ivester explained his reasons for terminating the site on the JuicyCampus blog: “JuicyCampus’ exponential growth outpaced our ability to muster the resources needed to survive this economic downturn, and as a result, we are closing down the site as of Feb. 5, 2009,” he wrote. In the same post, Ivester pretended he doesn’t know anonymity and exposure cause people to start spouting normally unacceptable sentiments.

“While there are parts of JuicyCampus that none of us will miss – the mean-spirited posts and personal attacks – it has also been a place for the fun, lighthearted gossip of college life. I hope that is how it is remembered,” Ivester wrote.

All Juicy Campus posts will disappear once it shuts down, IPs will remain private, and Ivester is planning his “next big website”, according to a post in the JuicyCampus blog titled “Shutdown FAQs”. I wonder if this new website of his will include a virtual ruler, so visitors can actually measure their own egos as opposed to merely massaging them.

Inevitably, a small number of students will initially believe this occurrence is worse than the week we thought the Rose would die. I also predict these students won’t be too vocal about it. They will have one stupid, burning question: “Where can inquiring students gather what they must know about the world? Who is or isn’t gay, a dominatrix, ugly, or endowed with a spectacular ass? Come on, Ivester, think of the drunk freshmen. This weekend, thanks to you, they will add their salty tears to the vomit in their frat’s toilets. NOBODY wants to clean that shit up. ”

Their despair cannot last long, since there’s a JuicyCampus copy lurking around the corner. All traffic to JuicyCampus will be redirected to College ACB (Anonymous Confession Board), according to the “Shutdown FAQs”. College ACB does not currently have any posts on its Brandeis page. This is likely to change rapidly.