In Mild Defense of the BranVan

I drive the Branvan. Some of you may know that, having suffered through a ride with me before. Others may have forgotten their Branvan experiences with me due to the state of inebriation they were experiencing at the time. Whatever your encounters with the Branvan have been, though, it is likely that you are upset with certain aspects of our service. I know this because someone came up to me the other day and said “Hey, don’t you drive the Branvan?” and when I responded in the affirmative, he informed me in an upset tone that he disliked me and everything I stood for.

Listen, though, friends: you have every right to complain. Branvans tend to be late and cramped. The vans themselves are on the verge of collapse. Sometimes we miss your stop. Sometimes we accidentally forget about you and leave you stranded in Waltham. I’ve heard the complaints, and as a regular rider of the van, I know that they are mostly justified.

But we try, we really do. Remember that Branvan drivers are hardworking, decent Americans with families to feed. Some of them look just like you or me (mostly me). We like you. And it’s our sworn mission to safely transport you wherever your heart may desire, be it Hannaford or Walgreens or the sketchy adult novelty store on Moody St.

We do make mistakes. The last time I drove the Branvan into Waltham, I accidentally dropped some poor girl at Moody and High instead of Main and Moody. She seemed very upset. I had misheard her request. To whoever you are, Anonymous Irritated Passenger-Girl, I am sorry. I let you, and my fellow members of that noble breed known as Branvan drivers, down. Will you forgive me?

Here’s some happy news, though. Every day we’re trying pretty hard to make our service bearable! In fact, we even bought a brand new van at the beginning of this year. It’s called Van 60. It’s gorgeous. And new. And it smells like a new Branvan should. And it’s not bumpy or filthy or falling-apart. You’ll love it.

We are trying our best to get you to your class or your frat party or whatever with the minimum amount of massive inconvenience. Sometimes we fail. But even when we fail, know that we love you. And we hope someday that you can love us too.