SnarkBlog: UJ 4/22/09 Edition

So, as promised, here is your (not-so) friendly neighborhood snarkblog. Unfortunately, Carrie can’t be here right now, so its just me for the time-being. She might come later, and Mike Laderman and Amanda Hoffman might join in as well.

UPDATE: So, since the software Sahar gave me isn’t working, all snark will be presented to you via comments

UPDATE 2: I would just like to point out again that this is the SNARKblog. For legitimate liveblogging of this trial, see Emily’s coverage, which should be up shortly.






100 responses to “SnarkBlog: UJ 4/22/09 Edition”

  1. Jourdan

    Also, most of the crowd has cleared out at this point, so if you’re bored and want to watch some clusterfuckery, come on down!

  2. Jourdan

    WOAH! Ryan has gotten out of his chair!

  3. Jourdan

    Jason is trying to educate Ryan about the constitution. Good luck, Jason.

  4. Jourdan

    By the way, just to help re-create the scene in the courtroom, as it were, everytime the door opens (which is frequently) there’s some really loud music wafting in.

  5. Jourdan

    The supremacy clause of the constitution pretty much keeps Jason from being sued. That’s good, he has enough on his plate as it is.

  6. Jourdan

    Apparently nobody here really knows who is suing who.

  7. Jourdan

    OOOH, the defense is getting FEISTY

  8. Jourdan

    Justice Judah should probably brush up on his political figures

  9. Jourdan

    Jason and Jamie are doing a good job at the moment, which really provides me with nothing to be snarky about.

  10. Jourdan

    Ok, apparently Justice Rachel has chosen to ignore the previously mentioned burn. And to tell Ryan to stop knocking on the damned table!

  11. Jourdan

    The UJ is now in a huddle. Like a football team. Which Brandeis doesn’t have.

  12. Jourdan

    Wow… Jamie just delivered a total burn to the UJ

  13. Jourdan

    I think Ryan and Jamie are about to duke it out…

  14. Jourdan

    Mr. Prez takes the stand. Justice Judah demands the honor of swearing him in. Also, Justice Julia is thirsty and needs water, who’s up to the task?

    Jason seems relieved to only have a few weeks left as president… good luck, Andy!

    Jason and Jamie are talking about the constitution. The rapport between these two is really quite adorable.

  15. Jourdan

    Ryan asks REEEEEAALLY convoluted questions, so Jamie objects. Objection sustained.

  16. Jourdan

    Tia, the union secretary and elections commissioner, takes the stand:

    She is reading from an email, stating that only those declared to the university as a minority can run for RMS. This is the registrar’s responsibility, and is easily taken care of via SAGE. So really, no one is at fault here except Gideon and SAGE.

  17. Mike

    Just in from East Quad! A police car and fire truck drove by heading in the direction of…the rest of loop road!

  18. Jourdan

    I’m currently sitting with the President-Elect, Andy Hogan, who says very adamantly that he has no comment.

  19. Jourdan

    Also, Justice Rachel just asked if there is any training for UBSC. Jess says there is. Like, a whole summer of it. That’s commitment to R&R, people!

    Justice Rachel wants to know what the UBSC would do to Jason… that elicited a laugh. Jess goes through the whole process. It is extensive, so I will not re-type it here. The gist of it is that if found “responsible,” which is apparently different than “guilty,” he’d get punishment befitting the crime.

  20. Jourdan

    Also by the way, Mike is a lame East Quad Correspondent

  21. Jourdan

    By the way, those of you who aren’t here right now should come down… We’re in the SCC student art gallery, and there’s some really cool stuff on the wall. Like light-up Brandeis maps!

  22. Mike

    Well, things are looking fairly bleak over here in East Quad, Jourdan.

  23. Jourdan

    oooh, Ryan’s getting angry…

  24. Jourdan

    Okay, I’ve totally lost my train of thought/ the train of thought of Ryan McElhany. I was busy hoping for sunshine and noticing how the people sitting next to me are reading this snarkblog.

  25. Jourdan

    It looks like the sun is coming out a bit, which is awesome, but I can’t really tell because most of the window behind the justices is taken up by graffiti. which is cool, but does not provide vitamin d.

  26. Jourdan

    Jamie gets up again… by the way, I like his tie. Very classy.

    Apparently, there is no real reason that Gideon could not have brought this to the UBSC. There may be precedent, but its questionable.

  27. Jourdan

    Jess looks very amused at the current goings-on. That’s good, this should be fun ๐Ÿ˜›

  28. Carrie

    Hey Mike Laderman!

  29. Jourdan

    Ryan cross-examines. Again, without standing up:

    The UBSC does not deal with violations against the Union. We’re back in gray area again, apparently…

    Jamie objects to Ryan assuming things… you know what they say about when you ASSUME!

    Okay… Ryan keeps stuttering and I can’t keep up with this

  30. audience member

    I like Jess’s attitude

  31. Jourdan

    Jess Kent takes the stand for the defense:

    She is a chairperson for the UBSC. The UBSC is a group of students, faculty, and staff who listen to violations of the Rights and Responsibilities, under the office of student conduct, within student life, overseen by rick sawyer (wow… that was really complicated). The UBSC interprets the rights and responsibilities. Non-discrimination is covered under section 7 of Rights and Responsibilities. People who are guilty of violating the R&R are punished as the UBSC and Rick Sawyer see fit. Erika Lamarre does stuff too. All of this means that the current lawsuit is completely impertinent to the Union, so what are we doing here?!? We all have final papers to write!

  32. Mike

    Hey Carrie!

  33. Jourdan

    Justice julia just came in a moment ago. So…woot, the gang’s all here

  34. Jourdan

    Gideon and Ryan quote simultaneously from something. Synchronized quoting is really impressive!

    Cross examination again:
    pretty much, Gideon doesn’t really remember very much about anything… he might want to have that checked out.

    Uh…. apparently Justice Rachel can vote in the RMS elections…. that’s cool, I guess.

    Gideon did not try voting for RMS before running for RMS…

    wow, this is already quite the clusterfuck. I think Jamie Ansorge may have just confused the witness. Like, a lot.

  35. Carrie

    It’s kind of cute.

    Gideon is really saying, “If I can’t be the Racial Minority Senator, then NO ONE CAN!”

    Insert evil laugh to follow.

  36. Jourdan

    Gideon is cross-examined:

    Apparently he is registered as a racial minority. He voted. Seriously.

    Hey Gideon… Why did you choose to file a lawsuit instead of talking to any of your senators? You are, after all, advocating for racial minority students to talk to THEIR senators… curiouser and curiouser…

  37. Jourdan

    First witness for the petitioner, Gideon Klionsky, takes the stand. He says he was going to run last year, but didn’t. He signed up this year, and was told that he was not eligible for the position. Y’know, since he’s NOT A RACIAL MINORITY. He feels this is discrimination.

    (By the way, why isn’t Ryan standing up for this?)

    Anyways… Gideon feels there is racial tension on campus, but no need for the RMS position. Why is there an RMS senator, but not a queer senator? We should get rid of the RMS for this reason. People can deal with racial issues with their class or quad senator. Skin color should not matter. blahblahblahOBAMAblahblahblah *by the way, he voted for McCain*

  38. Jourdan

    Union’s Opening Statement (also paraphrased, I’m no stenographer):

    Is the RMS position discriminatory? No. This position is constitutionally mandated by some clause. The University Rights and Responsibilities are kindasorta not really applicable to this situation. So what do we do? Huh? Ryan is not being interfered with or prejudiced against, they could have run for other shit [my words, not his]. The RMS is intended to deal with racial issues at Brandeis. This type of advocacy is necessary. Cool people like Kaamila will talk about this later. Debate is good, but the UJ is not the proper forum for this, because the Union is not responsible for University policies. Deal with the UBSC for that shit. Someone from the UBSC will talk later, too.

  39. Mike

    I’m so excited!

  40. Jourdan

    Ryan’s opening statement (paraphrased):

    Positions should not be decided by race. Why should white people be chosen over other people? There is no reason to choose people because of the color of their skin. That’s not fair, right, or constitutional. That’s not very nice. This is discrimination, unconstitutional, and just plain mean! That’s not cool, Brandeis, that’s just not cool. The racial minority senatorship is prejudiced. Because Brandeis is prejudiced.

  41. Jourdan

    The trial is now beginning… oooooh, get excited!!!

  42. Jourdan

    There are a whole lot of laptops in here right now… I hope that means that you’re all reading this. ๐Ÿ™‚

  43. Justin

    I’m not there! Does that mean I’m not a big name? (I’m in my room writing a paper.)

  44. Jourdan

    It looks like all the big names of Brandeis are here. Except for Justice Julia, apparently…

  45. Jourdan

    it’s still not particularly legitimate, in my humble and snarky opinion.

  46. Justin

    you only need 4 for quorum

  47. Jourdan

    Oh dear lord… the UJ wants to start the trial without their 5th member… how does that work, exactly?

  48. Jourdan

    The members of the judiciary (those who are here thus far) look rather spiffy as well.

  49. Jourdan

    Damn… the headband is off.

  50. Jourdan

    Might I say that, thus far, the defense looks rather dashing? Nathan says I may. He, Jamie, and Kaamila look FABULOUS.

    Ryan, on the other hand, is wearing a sparkly blue headband. Discuss as you will.