Check out what came into my facebook inbox last night:
My dear friends,
I would first like to thank you for joining this group. It means a lot to me, almost as if you had liked a status of mine, or poked me.
Unfortunately, I will be unable to message you at midnight when voting starts. I will be working, at Einsteins, like a real American. But let me tell you what you should do tomorrow.
Between 8 am and 9 am, you should wake up (unless you don’t have class) and shower. If you are a night showerer, just stick to your regular schedule. During your energizing breakfast, consider voting for me.
Go to class. Try and interact with what your professors say on a deep level. Really consider the implications of all you learn. If you use a laptop to take notes, you may find yourself on the internet during a lull in the intellectual discussion. This would be a great time to pop over to union.brandeis.edu and vote for me.
At some point you should have lunch in one of our many exciting cafeterii. If you have friends, they would be the ideal people to have lunch with. If, at some point, the conversation turns to your favorite Student Judiciary candidates, you might make mention of me as a possible contender.
In the afternoon, you should get outside. You’ve earned it, you’ve been hard at work in class all day. While you’re playing disc golf out on the quad, maybe you should take a break and run around madly shouting at the top of your lungs, “ALEX NORRIS FOR STUDENT JUDICIARY! I RANK HIM NUMBER ONE IN THE INSTANT RUNOFF OF MY HEART” This is obviously only if you have time.
In the evening, you will no doubt eat dinner. Maybe, if you are with your special someone, you could make subtle mention of how much you wish they were me. You could express that if they voted for me, they would be ten times more likely to get some that night. If your usual sexual preferences would hinder this, I urge you to ignore them.
Finally, if you haven’t voted yet after all this, do it. It’s more important than your homework, even if that isn’t true. And then do what I’ll do, and eagerly await the results.
I’m voting for this guy.
Continue reading “I’m voting for this guy”