Since joining the Justice League I’ve been thinking about what it is I’d like changed at Brandeis. This process has been good and bad. For one thing, I’ve realized there are a lot of things I’d like to see different at Brandeis, but more importantly I’ve realized that I have consistently broken in my Brandeis University experience. I love the scenery, the proximity to Boston, the attitude of professors to students and vice versa, and a lot of other things. But there’s one thing I always come back to as a let down at Brandeis: the food. I’ve never seen such low quality food cost so much. It actually makes me happy to eat off campus because everything costs 2-4 dollars less and its better quality food.

When I was a freshman I lived in Massell quad. My dining options were A) schlep up the hill to Usdan for every meal or, B) walk 50 feet to Sherman. You can probably guess where I ate at least 20 meals a week. Turns out, I was as lazy as every other student in Massell, so Sherman became somewhat of a hang out spot. My friends and I would sit in Sherman for hours just talking about, well, anything really, but the conversation would eventually turn to the quality of the food.

One of the terms I heard used around this time was “Sherman shits.” The idea was that the amount of time you spent eating Sherman food was directly proportional to the amount of time you would spend on the toilet that day. I don’t know who coined the term, nor did I take it too seriously at first. Then my boss at the Stein (also the manager of Sherman building) heard me say it in passing and gave me a stern talking to. Not sure whether he was trying to hide something or if he was just fed up with people insulting the quality of his food. I’ll let that speak for itself.

Anyway, a few days later, my friends and I were eating in Sherman once again. Ben, a friend I now live with, announced he would be eating a Sherman burger. We all warned him of the danger, but he would have none of it. How do I say this . . . Ben has a terrible constitution. He has asthma, uses an inhaler, trips often, is mildly lactose intolerant, and is just generally known for having a weak immune system. It was the perfect storm. As we all watched Ben eat he just smiled and said he would be fine, and that he had burgers at Usdan all the time. Ok we said, Ok. A few minutes later Ben left, still smiling, to go the bathroom, said he’d be right back. 45 minutes later a much paler looking Ben sat down at our table and kept to himself. All we could get out of him was, “I don’t wanna talk about it you guys.”