Nathan is a new writer for us. Please welcome him to the blog. -Sahar
Last year, each morning I went up to the Information Booth in the Shapiro Campus Center and obtained a crisp copy of the day’s New York Times. These were free, as part of some sort of program-thingy that Brandeis runs to give newspapers to the masses. They also gave out The Boston Globe and The Financial Times. Nobody wanted those, though, because the Globe is a watery version of the NY Times, and the Financial Times is printed on paper the color of salmon, and salmon is no color for a newspaper. Fish and news should be kept in separate spheres.
Anyway, this year, the papers are gone. Disappeared! No longer is there a fresh stack of papers lurking in the info-booth. We used to have a sort of secret little club for those who knew how to properly sidle up to the booth, give a knowing look, and flash their ID. That has vanished without notice. The little info-people in the red shirts have all offered me contradictory and unsatisfactory explanations for this mystery.
“Where have the papers gone?” I ask them. Many do not know. Others offer lies and conjecture.
“They will be here when the time is right,” one tells me. “They have gone,” another says. Others tell me the Times will return within the week, though some say it could take a matter of months. None have a reason for the phenomenon.
Meanwhile, I am news-less. My morning coffee-and-paper routine has been halfway destroyed. I am forced to get my news from those damned wretched untrustworthy “blog” things, or from empty-headed cable-news people. I have to substitute Wolf Blitzer for Bob Herbert (and despite having the coolest name on the entire planet, Wolf Blitzer is supremely useless as a source of information).
So my question for Brandeis is this: WTF? Where did the papers go? Why can’t I grab a Times in the morning? How are we supposed to keep ourselves informed on The Issues Of The Day? By reading The Hoot? Surely not! Perhaps Innermost Parts can equip us with our basic knowledge, but surely the New York Times is a good way to supplement the wisdom of Sahar and the gang.