I learned this lesson today.
When you read an e-mail and feel really angry about it…
- Vent about it to people who are not involved in the situation
- Try to figure out why you feel angry; what in it provoked you so
- After many deep breaths and giving yourself time to cool off, re-read the e-mail and re-evaluate what is says
This method has a great success rate. Often, when you reread it you discover new things you hadn't originally seen, and you even hear it in a different tone of voice. If this does not work for you, try purposely reading it in a different tone of voice to see alternate ways it could have been intended.
Downside: This is not as helpful when you need to respond to an e-mail within a short period of time (i.e. if you're organizing an event and have to figure out logistics, provide advice, etc.), since it really does require space and time. But, those e-mails suck anyway.